The Correlation of Sexuality and Favourite Doctor

Here, we discuss the deepest of psychology: What your favorite Doctor says about your sexuality.

Please, take a seat, while we psychoanalyze your deepest insecurities & how they interact with the Doctor you want to bang the most.

The First Doctor
Your father was terrible. He beat you over everything. & then, just when it seemed like you had been a good girl long enough, he left to go get some milk, never to return. But unlike many children today, you knew your grandfather quite well, & he became a second father to you. He became the model of masculinity you so desperately desired. Thus, you are what urban dictionary might call "a gerbil". You want much older men, men with charm, & with class.

The Second Doctor
What sexuality?

The Third Doctor
You are a horny old lady. Jon Pertwee probably fucked you. You miss his amazing skills, if you know what I mean.

The Fourth Doctor
Your dad was awesome, & so is your taste in men!

The Fifth Doctor
Your father may not have been a prize, but your brother was. He was gentle to you, & may have protected you, or tried to. But he was vulnerable too, perhaps also as burdened by your family situation as yourself. So your relationship became symbiotic, both of you helping each other. Like all good brothers, he was really cool & let you make your own decisions.

The Sixth Doctor
Like the person who would like the First Doctor, your father wasn't good to you at all. Unlike this possibility, however, you didn't know your kindly grandfather. Therefore, you just only saw your father as your model of masculinity, seeing him yell at your mother, all the time, even being violent with her. They got most loving after a big fight to make up. Thus to you, drama is the only gateway to love, so you never pick guys who are good or guys who are successful. To you, a man shouldn't be good, or cool, he should just be interesting. You hate masculinity, but at the same time, you want to love it. So you pick men who walk the fine line, highly emotional, but highly forceful.

The Seventh Doctor
Men have disappointed you. Your father & mother both disappointed you. Your siblings disappointed you. Your schoolmates disappointed you. Your friends disappointed you. But you see these charismatic, helpful older men, nice teachers, maybe nice priests of the sort who don't want to fiddle the kiddles, & you looked up to them, defining leadership as your standard of masculinity.

The Eighth Doctor
You are in-tune with your sexuality. You are comfortable with preferring men who are both sexy & who are legitimately kind & generous, without being fake "nice". You are okay with who you are, & how the world works.

The War Doctor
You saw him on The Day of the Doctor, liked him, & have 0 imagination.

The Ninth Doctor
You had a father, who was apparently good to you & to your mother, but he died when you were very young. Always, all you yearned for, was just a chance to see him again.

The Tenth Doctor
You gay.

The Eleventh Doctor
You like emotionally vulnerable young men who you can nurture, because you had a good relationship with your father, but he was kind of a basket case. So you spend your days picking men who don't much much drama, but need much support. They are probably all autistic.

The Twelfth Doctor
Like with the Sixth Doctor, your parents were dysfunctional. Unlike the Sixth Doctor, the mother was more abusive than the father. The father was just morose & took pride in his children, you included, & made special days for you, because he couldn't share his love with his life without drama. You like men who are intense & brooding, but not abusive in any way, shape, or form, & ultimately show great, sweeping, over-the-top signs of love when they can, even if it's just playing that special song just for you.

The Thirteenth Doctor
SIMP!

The Valeyard
You are a bad girl, or a secondary schooler who thinks of herself as a bad girl. You want bad boys because you can't relate to normal men.

The Rodger Delgado Master
You like good men, men who would make good husbands & good fathers, but not in the traditional sense of the word "good". Instead you want a man who is good at these things from a practical standpoint, rather than all nice & shit.

The Emaciated Master
You are a necrophile, & beyond all hope.

The John Simm Master
Put down 50 Shades of Grey, you sick cunt!