The Guff Bluff

"'Guff in the kitchen, 'guff on the roof, guff in my bum , guff on my boobies, even some guff on my screen. Wait...? What's this guff? Doctor, what the guff is going on? All I can hear is guff, there's even guff in the Guffdis! Guff guff guff guff! Who the guff is Jaremy Clarkson anyway?"- Adric in one of the less memorable quotes from The Guff Bluff, a rejected script written by Chiptogether Horatio Bigmac in the late 70s for the 4th Doctor and Romana (we don't know which one) and which served as a basis for his better known and story, Logopolis. It is notable for its remarkable capacity to fit in with the continuity of the Mister Blobby arc, particularly around Revenge of the Binges, going as far as featuring Jeremy Clarkson's namesake (though CHB consistently maintains that this was mere coincidence). The script was thought lost and consigned to the dustbin of history for a long while, but was eventually found in an actual dustbin in Lambeth. Many adaptations now exist, ranging from mobile shovelware games to full-blown interactive stage shows, all of varying levels of canonicity, i.e. zero.

Part I
The Doctor and Romana are flying the tardis through space. Romana accidentally brushes against the Doctor's penis, causing a sudden eruption of guff. They laugh it off and Romana even offers to clean it up with her tongue and they land on planet#3428, which is obsessed with transportation and is home to a young pre-Blobby Jeremy Clarkson. The Doctor has fun racing around in hovercars with romana until they encounter a patch of sticky guff mid-air which they spend the remainder of the episode trying to free themselves of. Drama is achieved by extracting the maximum amount of tension from Jeremy' eggshell dropping (his catchphrase had yet to be perfected)

Part II
More of the same. In fact, Bidmead even reuses the same cliffhanger to even lesser effect. No-one seems to notice that the Doctor and Romana have nearly nothing to do with the plot on-planet (involcing some kind of speed limit dispute), a syndrome that would come to haunt Doctor Who in the future.

Production
Bidmead was commissioned to write a high-stakes script to potentially write Romana out, as Graham Williams had developed a headache trying to work out which romana was which. The script eventually made it to the rehearsal stage, with John Nathan-Turner now showrunner, who was appalled at the inaccurate meaning of the word guff used in the script and vetoed it on the spot. Bidmead was devastated and nearly commited suicide by train station, but was soon offered the chance to rewrite the script, which he graciously accepted.