The 14th Doctor



"Boris Johnson can suck my johnson"

- Russell T. Davies The 14th incarnation of the Doctor. Originally considered to be rather clumsy and silly, this Doctor gradually revealed himself to be more cunning and manipulative than even the Seventh Doctor. He uses this clownish personality as a front to hide his true nature and plans from his enemies, although it is occasionally drop in dire situations or in more volatile moments.

The Invisible Enemy
After his regeneration in 2019, the Doctor found his home world to be in great chaos, fighting against an incarnation of the Master and the ancient Gallifreyan legend of the Bregzit. Although he eventually won in dramatic fashion, in early 2020 he nearly succumbed to the power of the Swarm in a dire battle for survival, but was shouted back into health by The Valeyard.

However, his ordeal was far from order. During a speech after his recovery, 14 noticed a slight yellow blotchiness on his already pink skin. Thinking nothing of it, he went on with his speech, but noticed a slight hoarseness in his voice. This was not in fact a residue of his prior infection, but a consequence of him taking the vaccine before even William Shakespeare. 14 had in fact turned into Mr Blobby.

The War PM
Created by Nicholas Briggs as an opportunistic cash-in on Piers Morgan's sacking. Definitely not canon so proceed with caution. Every episode will be Piers14 taking a fat ogre shit in the TARDIS toilets. This lasts for the whole hour, all the while there is a close-up shot of Piers' sweating and veiny red face. Eventually, after an agonisig cacophony of wet farting noises, panting and moans, Piers squelches the last piece of turd of out his anus into the toilet. Piers' lets out a relieved groan, exclaiming "Ugh, that's better." Cue theme sting and a next time trailer which is unfortunately not a trailer but a full on showing of the next episode which is a repeat of the last episode. Every time the hour of Piers' farting and shitting himself comes to an end, it comes back and resumes. This it does ad infinitum, and you are powerless to change the channel or even look away, doomed to look into the fat bloated sweating pink face of Piers Morgan, panting and groaning as he farts and shuts himself in your presence for all eternity.  - Nick Briggs pitching his first HPA (Harvey Price adventures) boxset to the Big Finish boardroom 

Does not exist.

Doctor Who is over. This is the Truth.

^^^^^^^^^^^

Not true, actually. It's true, don't listen to naysayers.

^^^^^^^^^^

Out of the way, faggots!
The Doctor: Crassilon, I call him. The thing about this high council, it's all spin. It's all smoke and mirrors.

Romana V: I totally agree, I couldn't agree more.

The Doctor: And the way he licks Omega's arse.

Romana V: It's pathetic! The 14th Doctor: What have you come as? Techno hippie street bum?

The 13th Doctor: I'm not actually wearing a costume, Doctor, so the joke's on you.

The 14th Doctor: Yes, I knew that, so the joke's on you.

The 13th Doctor: Well, I didn't realise you knew that, so it can't have been a very good joke. The Doctor: Hey, hey, hey, Master. How you going, good buddy?

The Master: Yeah, great actually old pal.

The Doctor: Oh really? Cause I thought you might be feeling like a guy who's just walked into a high-class restaurant with a sausage dog on the end of his dick.

The Master: Uh, no?

The Doctor: I got something up on my visual display unit in the TARDIS this morning, Master. I thought it was a high-definition photo of some dog shit. Then I took a closer look, and I realised it was actually your latest plan to take over Earth.

The Master: Oh, right.

The Doctor: I pulled strings to get you a new regeneration cycle, Master. If you look like a sausage dog fucker, then I look like a sausage dog fucker. Do you get me?