Asher's bed

Imagine calling yourself a Doctor Who fan and not even having a Doctor Who-themed bed.

2007 Funko Pop incident
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Full text
Asher looked at his faded David Tennant sticker while his father touched his asshole for the first time. “Is it ready?”

“I guess,” Asher muttered, pushing it into his ass. It hurt a little but he could hardly do much about that. “I thought it was better to learn this before I do anything bigger.”

“It is, but you’ll only be using this once.” His dad grabbed his hair, pulling back the cheeks. “It might hurt when it goes into your asshole but it won’t hurt as bad as it will when you have a girl put her finger up your ass for the first time.”

“Fuck,” Asher grunted, “You make it sound so dirty.”

“That’s the reason I’m putting it in your ass.”

Asher felt a hand reach into his asshole. He didn’t think it was going in until it did, but the pain was so intense that his dad pulled it back out.

“If it hurts too much, just stop. You can’t have a hard-on if it’s in your butt.”

Asher wanted to do more than just stop, he was trying to do the perfect position, which looked like his dick was going to go through his ass and hit him in the backside. But his dad’s guidance was a good start and Asher relaxed.

“Are you going to be able to handle it?” Asher asked with as much sarcasm as he could muster.

“Of course,” his dad shot back. “You just have to give it a fair shot, that’s all. It’s the best way for you to get it out.”

“I have to try it again,” Asher explained, his dick hard as a rock.

“What? You’re going to be stuck in the ass again?”

“If you don’t know where to put it, then how do you know it’s right?” Asher asked.

“You are a smart-ass, aren’t you?” his dad said as he started to play with Asher’s dick again.[some time later]

Asher was bleeding from his peehole, the end was near, the blood coming from his dick.

"Hang on, buddy," said Bob, "you're almost there."

"What's he got?" said Andy, his finger on the button of the camera.

"I think it's a tumor."

"I'm really sorry, Asher, but it's over."

Asher looked at the doctor, who was now standing beside him. "You see, Dr. Mandy," he said, "they said I'd have to get all these shots, and they took away my dick, and they got Bob and Andy."

Andy leaned over to where Bob was sitting, and asked, "So how do you feel?"

"Pretty good."

"You got hit in the head, didn't you?"

"Yeah, I know," said Bob, "but don't get hit in the head too much, okay?"

Dr. Mandy nodded and smiled.

Literary analysis
This story is structured in two approximately equal parts. The main character is ostensibly Asher, who suffers two different injuries in both parts. The ending is ambiguous but is most commonly interpreted as Asher hallucinating as he succumbs to his terminal illness.

Continuity problems
This passage presents many continuity problems and as such may make the death interpretation incorrect. The main issue is with the TelfordGear post office episode which is the canonical established death of Asher.

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